Start your day with the best online casino jokes and puns, guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.
Playing online casino games comes with a range of emotions determined by the win-or-lose outcome.
If the odds aren’t quite in your favour and you find yourself in need of a pick-me-up, there’s nothing quite like a quick casino joke to brighten your day.
Here is a compilation of all the best casino jokes and puns guaranteed to make you chuckle. CasinoWow turns into Casino LOL !
Get ready to giggle at these top casino jokes
What did the rabbit say to the lion at the roulette table? - I’m glad you’re not a Cheetah!
My girlfriend says she’ll leave me because I’m developing a gambling problem. - I bet you she’s bluffing!
My uncle lost to gambling, so I asked him if his wife left him. - He replied: ‘I’m not that lucky’.
What’s the difference between a land-based and an online casino? - Nobody laughs at you when you lose online.
People say gambling ruins lives, but it brought me and my family closer. - We now live in a one-bedroom unit.
I asked the Genie to make me irresistible. - He turned me into a winning slot machine.
What did the dealer say to the deck of cards? - I can’t deal with you anymore.
I wish Covid-19 started in Vegas because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
What is the best way to keep your husband from gambling? - Spend the money first.
They say 1 out of every 7 friends has a gambling addiction. My money is on Dave.
What is the poker dealer’s favourite song? - Every day I’m shuffling.
My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but then I realised she just wanted to do the laundry. So, I folded.
Why can’t pirates play cards? - Because they’re standing on the deck!
What does a blackjack player eat for dinner? - Whatever his comp card allows him to.
How do you get a professional poker player off your front porch? - Pay him for the pizza.
Sign you might have a poker addiction: Your children are named Check and Raise.
Marriage is like a deck of cards: All you need at first is two hearts and a diamond; but in the end, you wish you had a club and spade!
Russian roulette may be the easiest game on Earth. Not a single person alive has ever lost at it.
I did well at strip poker the other night. I played my socks off.
What company never loses at blackjack, you ask? Forever 21.
Ever heard about the sarcastic gambler? - Yeah, he was a real eye-roller!
I once visited a bookmaker in the Himalayas. - Tibet? - Why else would I go?
A gambler walks into the butcher shop and says to the assistant behind the counter, “I bet you $100 you can’t get that meat down from the top shelf without a ladder.”
The assistant looks up, turns to the gambler, and replies: “I’m afraid I can’t take that bet, sir. The steaks are too high.”
Gambling is really like eating pistachios. If you get a good pistachio, you want another good one. If you get a bad one, you want a good one even more. And that is gambling for you, in a nutshell.
Do you know what would make gambling hotlines better? - Make every 5th call a winner.
What did the gambling addicts name their daughter? - Betty.
Gambling has really helped me get back on my feet. Because I lost my car in poker last night.
I gambled on a giraffe race the other day. Mine came second. Lost by a neck. It was nowhere near.
What's the difference between a casino and a church? - You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
Laugh out loud with some of the best casino puns
1. I’m going to an Abba-themed poker night. The winner takes it all.
2. A midget chef had to quit his job at a casino; he said the steaks were too high.
3. What would you call an iguana that runs a casino? The Lizard of Odds.
4. I’m an accountant for Hallmark. They throw me out of casinos because I’m a “professional card counter”.
5. Did you hear they arrested a T-Rex after he was hired at the casino? He turned out to be a small arms dealer.
6. Why aren’t there any casinos in Africa? Because there are too many cheetahs.
7. I make a bet with a local farmer each year as to which lamb will jump the highest. I like a gambol.
8. How do you become a millionaire through gambling? Start as a billionaire.
9. I’ve always wondered… Does a glassmaker with a gambling addiction suffer from win-dough pain?
10. China’s currency could depreciate soon. Yuan a bet?
12. The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
13. What’s a pirate’s favourite casino game? Arrrrrr-oulette!
14. I tried to start a professional gambling career, but I just couldn’t play my cards right!
15. Why are craps players great at parties? They really know how to let the good times roll!
16. What does a gambling addict call heaven? Pair-a-dice.
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